“If you want to stay my boyfriend, you can. I’m happy to have you in my life. But I need to be very clear with you: this is how I am going to grow my family.” |
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Shannon Regan looked over at the man in front of her, wondering what came next. She had never read a manual on “how to tell a partner you’re adopting another child with special needs.” But life had taught her to be direct, and so she was. If Jay Marsh, an IT consultant for NASA, wanted to stick around, then he needed to be okay with the fact that adoption as a single mother was ― and would continue to be ― a major part of Shannon’s life.
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Jay, as it turns out, was more than okay. He himself was adopted by his stepfather, he told Shannon, and his sister with special needs was also adopted. So Jay was in it with Shannon for the long haul.
“He had always wanted to adopt because of how it had influenced his life,” Shannon says. So she made his place in her family permanent in 2021, joining Chelsea, adopted from China in 2018, and Sony, adopted from India in 2020. She was Shannon Marsh now, and she knew that she ― and now Jay ― weren’t done with adopting teenagers.
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“The community that is willing to adopt older kids is so small,” Shannon says. “To think that teenagers have such a small chance of being in a family is horrific to us, and something we can’t live with.”
Shannon grew up as one of seven kids, enamored with the idea of adoption from an early age. Her father had a neurological disorder and used a wheelchair, but he stayed very active in his community and “always gave back to people.” So when she learned about kids in other countries who needed parents, Shannon formed a plan: someday, she would adopt.
“It was a non-negotiable for me,” she explained, voice even.
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Shannon eventually grew up, married, had a son and then got divorced. She knew exactly what to do the minute she became single. She found Chelsea, a bright-smiling Chinese 12-year-old with cerebral palsy, among other diagnoses. And she adopted Chelsea as a single mother, Shannon and her two children against the world.
Only six months after bringing Chelsea home to Maryland, she signed up once more. This time it was for Sony, an Indian teenager with craniofacial issues who had been bullied not only by children but adults for being “too ugly to go to school.”
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“I think Sony is going to do something great, like help other people who have been through similar things,” her new mother says. “It’s her drive and punchy personality.”
Not long after Jay and Shannon, a supply chain risk management consultant for NASA, married, they began searching for eligible countries to adopt from. Eventually, they landed on Bulgaria. The couple is awaiting a court date to bring home two boys, this time a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old.
It’s all part of everyday life for the Marshes. China, walkers, surgeries, India, appointments, therapies, Bulgaria, trauma ― these terms float around the house each day, a frothy blend of chosen normalcy. Shannon marvels over how long it’s taken to get here ― and yet just how quickly her daughters’ lives have changed.
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Chelsea has gone from 53 pounds at age 11 and only coming up to Shannon’s hip to a five-foot-four, 116-pound 16-year-old. She was mostly nonverbal at pickup trip; now, she speaks English. “She couldn’t walk, and her feet were upside down, but now she walks with a walker,” Shannon said. “She’s interactive, she has dreams, she’s a wonderful kid, our family cheerleader.”
Sony, meanwhile, had never had any real peer interaction in India and was completely in the dark about how to be a kid. The last grade she attended in India was second grade ― but she entered eighth grade in America upon becoming a citizen.
“It’s a hard point to, like, start your life again,” Sony says pensively. And yet that’s exactly what she’s done. Now 17, she wrote an essay in 2020 about what adoption means to older children like herself. “Adoption helps a child know they belong,” Sony wrote in perfect penmanship. “Adoption gives a child a future.”
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She waits now for two brothers, knowing a lot of what they must be feeling. Shannon and Jay cannot know, nor will they ever ― but they certainly can provide the outline of a new life in which to process both those feelings, and the others that will follow.
“There’s a critical need to help these kids know they’re loved, and to be a part of society, to have a life and a purpose,” Shannon emphasizes.
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“These kids have been waiting for a family for far too long.” |
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Crystal Kupper is a freelance writer specializing in magazines and special projects. Since earning her journalism degree, she has written for clients such as Zondervan, Focus on the Family and the Salvation Army, among many others. |
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REECE'S RAINBOW • www.reecesrainbow.org |
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