"The only people who get it are the other people who adopted." |
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Sometimes, at the end of a long day, Jennifer Wojcik allows herself to dream about what motherhood of a half-dozen might be like in a true village.
“Like think Africa, or somewhere where when your kids are out and about, everyone knows who they are and keeps them out of trouble,” she muses. “Like you all are intertwined in each other’s lives and help with each other’s kids and chat and do laundry together.”
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“The only people who get it are the other people who adopted,” Wojcik says.
Yet Wojcik doesn’t need to be understood to be happy, nor appreciate what she has. And what she has is a 14-year-old Ukrainian who is the life of every party, a 13-year-old Bulgarian who “knows when her cup is filled” and a 12-year-old Bulgarian who is the best snuggle partner and lovebug.
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It’s a grafted-together family that may never have been were it not for the devastating Haiti earthquake in 2010. Wojcik, her then-husband Chris and their twin daughters were listening to the radio, story after heartbreaking story pouring forth. Quite simply, children couldn’t find their parents. Chris brought up adoption as a solution, but Wojcik was adamant: no. One of her daughters had had several health issues from birth, and she couldn’t fathom traveling away from her for any length of time.
That night, however, Wojcik went to her computer and typed in “adoption” in the search bar. Reece’s Rainbow popped up, and from there, their path felt certain: they would most certainly be adopting.
“My twins and I started to look at the website every night. We had nicknames for the kids,” she says. “We fell in love with so many of them, and I, all of a sudden, was like, ‘Hey, let’s do this.’”
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Wojcik found a toddler named Milana. Her hair was buzzed short, and her mouth hung open. Her little hands reached out toward something ― or someone. Maybe they were reaching for her? “There was just something about her,” her adoptive mother says. In 2010, she and Chris brought the three-year-old who was the size of a nine-month-old home.
Though Wojcik was thrilled to be the new mom of a child with Down Syndrome ― “I have absolutely loved people with Down Syndrome since I was really young,” she explains ― Milana proved to be a challenge. What they first took as friendliness in the orphanage turned out to be RAD.
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“That was really hard,” Wojcik shares. “She seemed to love everyone other than me.” So much so that Wojcik, an instructional coach for educators, swore they would never adopt again.
But then…Wojcik remembered the conditions that children with disabilities were kept in outside First World nations. She slowly saw patches of light with Milana. And she gradually accepted that “the sacrifice was just learning to love someone that doesn’t want to love you or like you.” So in 2014, she and Chris adopted Rumyana (“Riley” on Reece’s Rainbow) and Doychin (“Danny”) from Bulgaria.
Again, it was shockingly difficult. The Wojciks separated and eventually divorced after becoming a family of eight. Adopting two at once didn’t remotely resemble birthing and raising twins, like Wojcik had predicted. Rumyana’s heart problems were much more extensive than they had been told. The adopted three didn’t (and don’t) always get along.
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It was exhausting. And people putting Wojcik on a pedestal ― “You are Wonder Woman! I could never do what you do!” ― didn’t help. “I’m no different than anyone else,” she insists. “I just made different choices.”
These days, those choices involve lovingly listening to Doychin asking for Frozen or Frozen 2 all day long, swinging Rumyana around and around and gently handling Milana’s boy-craziness. The younger two are developmentally still in the baby or toddler levels, while Milana gets annoyed at nearly everything, as any 14-year-old will. It all adds up to a lot of hard.
Wojcik observes it all with the seasoned wisdom of a parent who accepts what is ― and chooses to love anyway.
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“Our kids are worth fighting for because they are kids who need love and a family,” she says. “Everyone is worthy and deserving of love. No one should have to fight for that.”
Wojcik looks around at the little village she has created. They are all intertwined in each other’s lives, in both good times and bad. Perhaps someday they could connect with another little family village, enough to link up to that dream she has long had. But for now, this is what’s real, and it’s enough.
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“My kids needed a mom,” she says. And so she will always be. |
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Crystal Kupper is a freelance writer specializing in magazines and special projects. Since earning her journalism degree, she has written for clients such as Zondervan, Focus on the Family and the Salvation Army, among many others. |
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REECE'S RAINBOW • www.reecesrainbow.org |
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