“So does the Chinese government pay you to raise these children?”
Elizabeth Staley about choked on her tongue. Had the woman actually just asked if she was getting money from a foreign government to take care of her adopted daughters?
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“We have been asked the craziest questions,” she says from her home in Washington state. The queries only increase when people find out that Elizabeth and her husband Paul chose to adopt two girls with severe special needs ― and when they already had adult children, no less!
“Many people said, ‘You’re nearly free; why would you do that?’” Elizabeth recalls. “But free? That isn’t a thing with kids, ever. No matter if they are four or 40, you will worry. You probably aren’t sleeping anyway.”
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For as long as she can recall, Elizabeth had wanted to adopt. Luckily, the man she calls her “partner in crime and adventure” was on board. “We went headfirst into areas we weren’t expecting,” Paul says. “It opened my eyes a lot.”
When the hoped-for adoption of a four-year-old Ecuadorian girl fell through, the couple began looking elsewhere. China, with its rich culture, delicious food and (at the time) stable adoption program, caught their eye. Elizabeth soon joined adoption groups on Facebook, aiming to adopt one child with an “easy” special need.
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“I think of it now and just cringe” she admits. “Isn’t that just a crazy request when you think of all the trauma?” |
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She had no way of knowing when she saw an adorable toddler with “just” albinism listed on Reece’s Rainbow how quickly the truth would come roaring into the Staley house. Elizabeth and Paul traveled to China in 2015 to pick up not only Izzy, a 19-month-old, but also Gabriella, a fragile two-year-old with severe heart and lung issues.
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“I did worry about getting her to the U.S., but I thought if I could just get her here, everything would be okay,” Elizabeth says.
It was indeed okay ― for three blessed years, anyway.
Gabby, as the family calls her, “had a compassion and empathy rare in someone so young. She was truly one in a billion,” her mother says. “She exuded this joy, effervescence and zeal and was so incredibly brave.”
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Elizabeth had to borrow that bravery when Gabby contracted a deadly fungal infection while undergoing medical care in Seattle. The hospital had a known-to-its-inner-circle ventilation problem yet let it go unchecked.
Gabby’s weakened body couldn’t handle the attacks, and in 2018, she left this earth.
“It’s been three years last August, and I still sob in the shower some days,” her mama admits. “I miss Gabby desperately. We missed out on so much of her life.”
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Still, her adopted sister Izzy remained (the Staleys' three biological children are in their 20s and 30s). And the grieving parents knew they had to guide Izzy through her multiple “bonus needs” for everyone’s sake.
“We found quickly we were not prepared, and we were actually a dumpster fire,” Elizabeth says.
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But they persevered, undergoing autism training and driving three hours daily for a school that worked with Izzy’s needs. Doctors and educators warned the Staleys that their daughter would most likely “never do anything,” including speaking.
The reality: though Izzy waited until she was five, she now never stops talking to anyone willing to listen ― and even then, it’s negotiable.
“Izzy took longer to blossom, but she still blossomed,” Elizabeth says. “She is stunningly beautiful, smart and inquisitive to the point it nearly drives you crazy.”
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“Look what all we would have missed,” Elizabeth says. “I do not regret it one bit.” |
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Things certainly have changed since 2015, a year that abruptly stopped Elizabeth’s planned life as a “dog dresser” with a small pooch in a big purse. Paul, a software developer, lost a long-held job directly after returning from China. The couple has lost other things, too: friends, dinner and drinks on the weekends, cocktail parties with nicely-dressed adults.
Hearts that weren’t shattered by the losses and gains of loving children without their DNA.
“I don’t know why we ended up here, just that this is where we are supposed to be,” Elizbeth says. “It’s been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, not easy but entirely worth it. If we could go back and choose differently, we wouldn’t.”
No matter. If the pain of loving is an indirect path to joy and meaning, then why not hold your heart up high in life’s storms?
“Look what all we would have missed,” Elizabeth says. “I do not regret it one bit.”
“Grief is the price you pay for love, and she is worth every moment.”
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Crystal Kupper is a freelance writer specializing in magazines and special projects. Since earning her journalism degree, she has written for clients such as Zondervan, Focus on the Family and the Salvation Army, among many others. |
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REECE'S RAINBOW | www.reecesrainbow.org |
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